Just to make people laugh.

[Jane Dalgleish]

My daughter's boyfriend has finished university and is job hunting. His last job was temporary so he has had to sign on with the DWP (for the foreigners amongst us it's the unemployment benefit office).

As ever the system is laughable and causes more stress than any full time job. They sent him a cheque to cover rent he had paid since he'd originally been unemployed but it was written to the wrong person. So he rang them and they told him to send the cheque back and they'd replace it. He did so and they haven't received it so they asked him - wait for it - to write to them to tell them they hadn't received the cheque

What follows is my mock up of the correspondence between them.

Dear DWP

I am writing on your request to tell you you didn't receive a cheque from me that I sent to you in the post.

Yours faithfully

Kris McBurnie




Dear Mr McBurppie

Thank you for your letter. What cheque? We didn't receive one.

Yours in confusion

DWP



Dear DWP

That's the whole point, I sent you a cheque back and you said you hadn't received it. You asked if I would write to tell you.

I have done so.

Yours

Kris McBurnie



Dear Mr McBoople

Thanks for your letter, there was no cheque enclosed.

Yours

DWP



Dear DWP

Please do read the letters. I sent you a cheque back and you said you hadn't received it and would I write to tell you you hadn't received it.

You haven't got the cheque that's why I'm writing. To tell you you didn't receive it.

Yours

Kris McBurnie



Dear Mr McBopbit

I don't understand. How do you know we haven't received your cheque? Perhaps you didn't send one.

I don't understand why you are sending us a cheque anyway. We usually send out the cheques. You are not expected to send cheques to us.

Are you confusing us with B&Q?

Yours

DWP



Dear DWP

No I am not confusing you with B&Q because they provide a reasonably good service which is of some use to mankind, unlike yourselves.

I had to send back a cheque you sent to me, because it had the wrong name on it. You asked for it to be returned.

Yours

Kris McBurnie




Dear McFoodle

What cheque? I'm sorry we haven't received one.

Yours

DWP

[rayhunt]

Heavens above!

It sounds just like the Australian Benefit Office.

BTW. Jane would you write and tell me that I haven't received that 100 pound note from you yet?

[Jane Dalgleish]

Dear Mr Hunt

I am sorry to say that you haven't received the 100 pound note I sent you last week.

One of the reasons is that although I sent it, I don't have your address, therefore it probably will never arrive.

However, in order for me to send you another one, I will require proof that you didn't receive it. As soon as I receive the proof of non-arrival I will forward another note to you.

Yours sincerely

Jane

[stuart13]

I received a £100 note in the post last week, but I as I am not a charity don't accept unsolicited gifts, so I put it back in the post return to sender, unfortunately the sender failed to enclose an address, so it might take sometime to get there. When they do eventually receive it, I feel sure sure they will happily forward in on to Ray.

[leather_ferret]

Happily this cheque was received by me this very morning. Having some concerns that this might be a pyramid scam, I have forwarded the cheque under covering letter to the DWP to go towards staff training.

I asked them to let me know if they do not get my letter - I do hope I have done right - ain't life confusing !


Regards

Dave

[Jane Dalgleish]

Did you lot used to work for the DWP by any chance??

[Jane Dalgleish]

Dear Mr Ferret

I am writing to you to inform you that we did not receive your letter with the enclosed cheque.

And as regards your suggestion which we also didn't receive, that the cheque should be used for staff training - this has been taken as an insult. Our staff are highly trained in making life as difficult as possible for everyone who needs to use our services.

We have a whole department dedicated to making up stupid rules and ensuring that nobody could possibly understand them. Once the stupid rules are agreed on we then ensure that only half the staff are aware of them and the other half keep using the older stupid rules in an attempt to confuse everyone completely.

This is our remit from the government who are delighted at the obfuscation we create at all times to ensure that the only people who get any assistance from us are the ones who don't give a s***, whilst ensuring that genuine cases end up in the mental health system. This way we do not have to pay them anything as the NHS picks up the bill, thereby saving you money as a tax payer.

Please do not write to us again as we are sick of not receiving your letters.

Regards

DWP

[rayhunt]

QUOTE: Did you lot used to work for the DWP by any chance??

ANSWER: No! We are just a bunch of sick people

PS....... David, Please stop sending me letters with other people address on them and no postage.

[Jane Dalgleish]

Hey Ray - I bet that letter's mine! I keep not receiving letters not posted to me as well. Mine have stamps though

[rayhunt]

WE are all agreed then that the whole mess up is entirely Dave's fault!

[Jane Dalgleish]

Can't say at the moment, I keep not writing to him and he keeps not replying

[stuart13]

He needs to confirm that in writing.

[Jane Dalgleish]

I am busy not writing a letter to him right now to ensure that he does. However, when he doesn't receive it we will have to see if he doesn't reply as usual. I've even not sent him a stamp so it doesn't cost him anything to not reply. He has no excuse now.

[leather_ferret]

Hmph!

Just doing what the DWP do when they get the hump, putting fingers in ears, burying head in sand and ignoring the matter.
Usually works

If that is not to your satisfaction, try our helpline in Delhi and see how you get on ..... ner ner ne ner ner

Dave (DWP ... ignored complaints department)

ps please refund postage or lose your benefits.

[Jane Dalgleish]

Dear Dave

You can put your fingers in your ears as much as you want, but you cannot ignore the letters you are not receiving.

I have returned the postage in the letter I haven't sent and hope my benefits will not continue, as before.

I have called the call centre in Delhi who are happy that I am not receiving my benefits and will ensure that they will continue to not send out my benefits until I don't need them anymore.

Everything seems to be as normal.