Alan's blog........

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Nov 20, 2021 11:17 am

:lol: :lol: Indeed Marilyn :roll: .

Jane is increasingly finding herself to be increasingly grumpy at the moment. Jane has no idea why :roll:. Several years ago Jane would have blamed her hormones but at Jane’s age those bad boys have long gone so it can only be pure grumpiness :oops: :oops: .

Jane can’t even take time off work, she’s just had a week off :roll: :roll: . Alan (whose blog this is) is driving Jane mad with his constant feeling unwell. Jane knows this is not Alan’s fault but it’s not Jane’s either :roll: . The trouble is that Alan is such a drama queen that Jane never knows whether he’s really unwell or just being a bloke :lol: .

He gets up every morning and does a blood test for his blood sugars and Jane sits and waits for him to huff and puff at the results. Alan huffs and puffs at the result regardless of whether it’s good or bad or normal :lol: :lol: . He has been complaining all week that he’s gone deaf in one ear (interestingly the one that is nearest to Jane when she’s talking to him :lol: ) but has he phoned the GP? Well obviously not! He’d rather just moan to Jane and pretend he can’t hear her :evil: .

Today he says he has a pain in one of his testicles. He is creating a pain in Jane’s testicles that’s what he’s doing! Maybe because the pain is in his nethers rather than his ear he will ring the doctor.

Jane can predict that he will try to ring the doctor on Monday morning (always a mistake with any doctor) and then ring Jane to say he can’t get through on the phone to which Jane will reply “What do you want ME to do?”.

Luckily for Jane he has gone to bed.

Well luckily for him as well :lol: :lol: .

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Saxie
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Saxie » Sun Nov 21, 2021 3:10 am

Saxie sympathises with grumpy Jane but feels her grumps can trump Jane’s grumps. Saxie’s daughter and family came to stay for the weekend and brought their dogs - a little hairy thing and a great big hairy thing. They also brought a grandson who promptly joined one of the other grandsons in riding Saxie’s husband’s farm bike. This is a fat wheeled scooter and in the past has been spurned as a ‘little girls bike.’ The boys broke the muffler, welded a huge pipe on, and now it roars like thunder and flames come out the back. So instead of a peaceful nights sleep Saxie had to listen to the boys roaring around the orchard in the dark. The little hairy dog went yap yap and the big one went woo hoo hoo in accompaniment. Saxie’s dogs watched in awe as they are too well behaved to bark at things. Then Saxie’s husband, who is recovering from Sinus surgery, alternated snuffling and moaning all night. The TV mysteriously turned itself on and off - apparently this is due to low batteries in the remote control - so that added to the din. When Saxie had a SOD pancreatic pain attack and had to have the ambulance called, aforementioned husband accused her of attention seeking as he was in way more pain. The fact that he could stand there and say this while Saxie was totally incapable of speech due to supreme agony just shows how wrong this is but it is typical of a male. Saxie heroically refrained from going to hospital as she knew they were full. Mind you, when one ambulance volunteer showed up and it is an hours uncomfortable drive to the hospital with no pain relief, Saxie felt she was better off at home where she could help herself to the small vault of pain relief medications she has been prescribed for just such an occasion. So game set and match to Saxie, I think!

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Sun Nov 21, 2021 9:27 am

Oh my you two :shock: My empathies and sympathies to you both.
Marilyn

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Nov 27, 2021 1:00 pm

Oh dear :roll: Jane thinks Saxie’s woes are far worse than Jane’s :? . Jane hopes Saxie is feeling better and the hairy dogs and boisterous children have all left her in peace :lol: . Jane also hopes that the plethora of pain relief put Saxie in a place where she couldn’t hear the din. Jane also suspects this may have saved Saxie’s husband’s life after his typically male comments :lol: :lol: .

So this week Jane had to get mad Ma to do 2 things: 1) stop taking her water tablets, and 2) have a blood test at the doctor’s. This seemingly simple direction took Jane 25 minutes on the phone before mad Ma worked it all out. Jane repeated herself to the point where she really was starting to become demented herself, but finally mad Ma got it :D .

So she stopped taking the tablets and then forgot to go for her blood test :roll: :roll: . “But you wrote it in your diary!”protested Jane. “I’ve lost my diary” said mad Ma. Lost her bloody marbles along with the diary it appears :lol: :lol:. Jane thinks maybe mad Ma should look for her marbles and maybe her diary will be with them :shock:.

So then on Thursday Jane came home from work to have Alan (whose blog this is) tell her that the bin-men had taken the bottle box :shock: . Jane asked Alan to think this through - why would the bin-men take the bottle box really?

Alan thought about this and had a moment of inspiration that maybe a neighbour had twocked it. “Ring the council in the morning and they will deliver a new one” said Jane “but you might have to pay for it”.

“I’m not paying for one if a neighbour’s nicked it” said Alan :roll: :roll: :roll:. Jane sometimes thinks she is surrounded by idiots :lol: :lol:.

Jane went to see George today who is babbling nonsense in a rather cute way :D . Jane is getting to the point where the garbled nonsense is making sense because it is very similar to is what is going on in Jane’s head :lol: :lol: .

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Sun Nov 28, 2021 9:10 am

More sense having a conversation with George than other family members then Jane?
Marilyn

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sun Nov 28, 2021 11:11 am

Absolutely! :lol: :lol:

So today Jane has a dilemma. Mad Ma requested a diary (especially so can lose it :lol:) for 2022. Jane ordered one for her whist she was at Jane’s house. Mad Ma will have forgotten that Jane ordered the diary so Jane may use it as a stocking filler at Christmas. This is where the dilemma comes in: Does Jane tell mad Ma about the diary so she doesn’t go and buy another one? The likelihood of mad Ma remembering that Jane has bought her a diary is slim, so she may buy another one anyway. If Jane tells mad Ma about the diary then it won’t be a surprise on Christmas Day. But then she will have forgotten about it by then so it will be a surprise anyway. Jane could give mad Ma the diary now so she doesn’t buy another one and get her something else for Christmas, but she will probably lose it before next year and then have to buy another one :roll: :roll:.

Does Jane’s reader see the problem here? The thought of mad ma having two diaries to lose or ignore doesn’t bear thinking about. :lol: :lol:

And today we have snow :roll: :roll:. And it’s bloody freezing :roll: :roll:.

And Jane’s lovely daughter in law has requested a gro-bag for George for Christmas :shock: :shock: . Jane thought they were for tomatoes but that just shows how out of the baby loop Jane is :roll: . Apparently they are sleeping bags with arms for babies. Who knew? Jane has never seen so much kit for babies in her whole life: ear thermometers, bath thermometers, bottle warmers, snuggle sleepers, video baby alarms, squeezy food tubes, mini boxes of raisins, day and night lights, white noise makers, medicine dispensers, advice on the internet, play dates, soft play warehouses, the list is endless. Jane wonders how her and her generation actually brought children up?

paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Sun Nov 28, 2021 10:32 pm

How are you now Saxxie
I had a similar problem mum being nearly completely blind needs a large calendar .The one she had from RNIB ( not RNLI ) fell apart so had to get another one from Amazon but not really big enough, so whilst out at weekend found a nice one with flowers on in WHSmiths . Then the dialema do I save it for Christmas or give it to her now . Dropped around and she said can you get me a big calendar , So gave her it then and their ...Big picture of flowers small space for writing . Cannot win . Rang bank to make appointment for mum and I to sort her finances and before I gave my name woman said is that Mr ******* before I had given my name . Cannot get away with anything in this town .

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Saxie
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Saxie » Sun Nov 28, 2021 11:05 pm

I am fine, thanks. Well as fine as I ever get! Just had the third Pfizer vaccination and will get a booster next year. Most people only get two but I am considered very high risk with all the autoimmune diseases I have managed to collect.
The teenage grandchildren all see our house as the place they get food and arrive at random times of the day and night with their friends. My husband says I am encouraging them by feeding them, but I really enjoy cooking for people and like nothing better than a hungry horde descending on us.
Still managing to teach my dance classes but now teach a few less per week and teach China painting classes as well. I have a yurt for the dance classes and the porcelain art is in one end of the house that used to be my parents living room. So very easy for me as I don’t need to travel anywhere.
Getting a bit fed up with the Covid restrictions but I guess you all have them as well. We have a huge control freak prime minister who treats everyone like toddlers and has no clue about how to organise anything properly.
My ladies and I usually dance quite a bit at resthomes but that has been canned as they are all locked up like prisons. My mother will be 98 next week and spends most of her time just staring out the window as they actively discourage visitors. Very sad.
Some of the grandchildren have barely been to school in months and it is so hard on everyone.
Sorry about the rant. I know we all have it tough and NZ is really very mildly affected compared to other places that don’t have the advantage of out large ‘moat’ to repel all invaders.

paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Mon Nov 29, 2021 7:08 am

We have a moat but it might as well have a bridge .Wish our controls were stricter ,its always we are going to increase travel restrictions but it will start next week which is always a week too late . Had both my jabs and booster and wear my mask in shops . some of our public need telling like the children they act like .

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Dec 04, 2021 12:33 pm

Jane empathises with Saxie’s useless Prime Minister and the restrictions. Jane also has a useless Prime Minister and lots of restrictions (he is of course not Jane’s personal Prime Minister because if he were he would be gone by now). Jane’s Prime Minister is telling everybody to get jabbed whilst failing to mention that the vaccines are in short supply :roll: :roll: .

So this week Alan (whose blog this is) nearly had his comestibles removed with a blunt knife by Jane :lol: :lol: . Jane’s cleaners come once per month to dig out the house and stop pest control from forcibly removing Jane from her abode :shock:. They always come on a Tuesday and this month Jane had forgotten to remind Alan that this Tuesday was their day. Jane obviously has nothing else to think about than the day the cleaners come :roll: :roll:, what with working full time, an insane parent, two grandchildren and Christmas, Jane is obviously at a loose end :roll: :roll: .

Imagine Jane’s delight then when the cleaning company rang Jane and advised Jane that Alan had turned them away when they turned up :shock: .

Why?

Because he hadn’t tidied up because he wasn’t expecting them :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: . Jane said quite a few swear words VERY loudly at work :roll:. Jane send Alan a message along the lines of “What were you thinking? Well I’m not paying for them,YOU can!”

Luckily for Alan the cleaning company asked to come back to do the cleaning so Alan has retained his comestibles :shock: :lol: :lol: .

Foolishly when Jane came home from work, Alan tried to justify his actions :roll: . He soon realised that he was on a loser with that one and shut up. Which under the circumstances was a sensible decision :lol: :lol: .

What made Jane laugh the most was when she spoke to the owner of the cleaning company Jane said “I am so sorry for the inconvenience, and I would like to advise you that my husband will be murdered in his sleep”.

The owner said to Jane “I said to my husband, well that man is going to be in trouble when his wife finds out!” :lol: :lol:

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Mon Dec 06, 2021 8:58 am

:D :lol: :lol: :lol:
Marilyn

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Dec 11, 2021 11:57 am

So Jane is finally starting to think she may need to do something regarding Christmas :roll: . Jane has been Amazoning quite a bit for a few weeks but has no idea what she has bought because the parcels are all in the cupboard. Jane has forgotten what she has bought so on Monday (Jane has a day off work) she is going to do some proper planning. Jane only just realised this week that Christmas Day is a Saturday :roll: which just shows how much Jane is paying attention :roll: :lol: :lol: .

Jane has agreed with her offspring that she will give them money this year and buy smaller presents. Jane had a figure in mind to give to each of them which is gradually dwindling as she buys more presents :lol: :lol: . They may be lucky to get £2.50 :shock: . Luckily Jane didn’t put a figure on how much money she was going to give them, so is in the clear :shock:.

Jane usually buys the boys Calvin Klein boxers which are a ridiculous price for undercrackers but Jane is worried that if she doesn’t buy them this year the boys will have to go commando and it’s a bit cold for that and Jane doesn’t want any chafing, she wants more grandchildren :shock:. Jane always buys large for lovely son in law (lucky Jane’s daughter :shock: :lol: :lol: ) and medium for number one Digger son (not so lucky Jane’s daughter in law :shock: :lol: :lol:).

Jane is not spending very much on the grandchildren because they are too young and Jane has a sneaky feeling that they are going to have plenty of opportunity in the coming years to empty Jane’s pockets :roll: :D .

And today Jane went out with George and his mummy and daddy to a Christmas market. Jane was dancing to Christmas tunes to entertain George and got a round of applause from a strange man :lol: :lol: .

paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Mon Dec 13, 2021 7:10 am

Strange man in a Kimono and mask ?

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Mon Dec 13, 2021 9:19 am

Marilyn and John are giving money to all normal gift recipients this year, apart from one tiny child who gets an amazing toy! Marilyn is sorry about this but...
Marilyn

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Mon Dec 13, 2021 1:46 pm

Jane agrees! It is getting ridiculous and Jane has contributed to the ridiculousness so can’t even complain :oops: .

However Jane has bought some nice gifts for her offspring like some penis pasta for the girls (note on the box “Warning! This gets bigger as you cook it” :shock: :lol: :lol:). And some Dr Balls bollock balm for the boys :shock: . Well it will create some fun. Jane will be very interested to know if the boys eat the penis pasta :shock: :lol: :lol:. The girls however do like presents to open so Jane has tried to be circumspect with her spending and also ensure they have some nice gifts to open.

Jane has been out Christmas shopping today (what a hot, unpleasant and sweaty event that was :shock:) and has subsequently spent what seems like weeks wrapping gifts. Jane still hasn’t finished but has broken the back of it. Jane advised Alan (whose blog this is) that she HATES wrapping presents. To which Alan relied “But it is a festive event, you should enjoy it”. Does that man EVER learn? :lol: :lol:

Jane replied with some asperity: “Well if it’s such fun why don’t you do it?”

Predictably there was no answer from Alan :lol: :lol:.

Now Jane is chilling whilst Alan is decorating the tree. Jane suspects he is feeling guilty and is trying to make up for it.

Jane has no problem whatsoever with that :roll: . Although goodness knows what the tree will look like, Alan not being renowned for his attention to decor :lol: :lol: .

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