Alan's blog........

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Tue Jul 13, 2021 9:06 am

Aaaaaw, cute, if a bit yukky :lol:
Marilyn

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Tue Jul 13, 2021 3:04 pm

VERY yukky :roll: :roll: .

So today Jane was out and about and saw the second Betty. Betty is Jane's mini which is orange with a black roof. There is one other Betty in Stockton and whenever Jane and the other Betty's owner see each other they wave :lol: :lol: :lol: . Jane thinks this is rather cute :D :D .

And today Jane has done some more retail therapy :oops: :oops: . Jane can't afford to retire because given time off Jane just spends money :oops: :oops: . Jane is best kept occupied during retail hours it seems :roll: :roll: . :roll:

And today was the day Jane's cleaners come - once per month - Jane has never been at home before when they come. Jane sat on the couch and let these sterling ladies clean her house. Did Jane feel guilty?

Sadly no :oops: :oops: . Jane did think that maybe she ought to try to start cleaning the house herself and then gave her head a shake and decided that that was the most ludicrous idea Jane had ever had in the history of Jane's many ludicrous ideas. Jane mentally objects to the cost of the cleaning but not enough to do anything about it :roll: :roll: . Jane was exhausted after the cleaners left but the house looked lovely :lol: :lol: .

Alan advised that Jane made the cleaning of the house look easy which indeed she did, having sat on the couch and played on her iPad. Jane did get bored with the games to be fair so she is not a total lazy mare, just a partial one :shock: :shock: .

And now Alan (whose blog this is) is preparing tea and using the oven. Jane did warn him that he couldn't make it dirty but will he listen? No! He is too busy trying to feed Jane to keep her alive.

Jane thinks he has his priorities ALL wrong :roll: :roll: .

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Jul 17, 2021 11:58 am

So yesterday Jane saw number one VERY intelligent daughter, lovely SIL and the grandbump who is cooking nicely :D :D . They are not finding out the gender of the baby which is all very well but makes Jane's impulse buying of baby clothes difficult :roll: :roll: . This is probably just as well because Jane cannot be trusted to curb her desire to clothe the baby in mountains of outfits :roll: :roll: .

And George is now 11 months old and just met his Aunty and Uncle for the first time due to COVID restrictions :roll: :roll:. Luckily the weather was marvellous so the whole famn damily sat outside all day to be extra safe :D :D .

Jane had bought George a pushalong lawnmower which he seemed to love despite not quite walking yet. Sadly the mower appears to be non-functioning so Alan (whose blog this is) and Jane had had to do the garden prior to the visit.

And today Jane is chillin' in the garden. Well not exactly chillin' given that the temperature appears to be around 28 degrees :shock: :shock: . Jane wants to sit in the sun but this is making her sweaty and unfragrant :shock: :shock: . To be fair there's only Alan around to notice and he wouldn't dare advise Jane that she was sweaty for fear of repercussions :lol: :lol: .

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Sun Jul 18, 2021 9:08 am

Marilyn is staying firmly indoors!
Marilyn

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sun Jul 18, 2021 11:16 am

Jane cannot sit inside when the sun is out, the need to bask is bigger than her! :roll: :roll: Jane did however avoid the sun and sat in the shade for most of the day, and that was simply because Jane started to feel sympathy for Sunday joints if she sat in the direct sunlight. :lol:

Indeed Jane went to bed around 8.30 and laid on top of the covers with the window open and utterly stark naked because that was the coolest place to be. Jane had no fear of Alan (whose blog this is) getting any frisky ideas: 1) it was too bloody hot; 2) Alan is frightened of Jane naked :lol: :lol: .
To be honest these days so is Jane :shock: :shock: . It is not a sight for the squeamish :roll: :roll: .

Then the joy of a phone call at 6 am this morning from mad Ma's Care Call people. They advised Jane that mad Ma had call 911 at 4 am that morning because she had indigestion but refused an ambulance. She then called Care Call at 5 am and they went round to speak to mad Ma. They would advise Jane of what was happening as soon as they knew.

Jane did not go round to mad Ma's. Mainly because she was still half asleep and hadn't worked out what to do and also because Jane has been here before with mad Ma. 10 minutes later mad Ma rang Jane and sounded absolutely fine. "Oooh the nurse is here, do you want to speak to her?"

"I'm not a nurse", said the 'nurse' "your mum is fine but has agreed to 911 sending an ambulance just to check her out. I will stay with her until they turn up." Jane was much reassured by this knowing that mad Ma was fine.

Jane went back to bed and had a snooze, rudely woke by mad Ma ringing to say "I've had 2 paramedics here!" Jane explained that she had agreed to that but mad Ma insisted she hadn't and had made the phone call to 911 at 4 am to check if she could take gaviscon with her other meds.

Mad mad, having been advised by Jane that at that time of the morning if a patient of mad Ma's age rings 911 they will inevitably send a paramedic. "I won't do that again then!" said mad Ma with some irritation. She will :roll: :roll: .

And despite having made such a fuss about a bit of indigestion, mad Ma is still coming to Jane's for lunch :roll: :roll: .

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Mon Jul 19, 2021 9:01 am

Oh my, I have to apologise and say I had to chuckle. I do wonder how many elderly folk call emergency services in the night(In this case call them rather than you :lol: ). It is good practice to send an ambulance actually as they would never know if it was actually something serious.
Marilyn

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Jul 24, 2021 2:04 pm

Jane agrees with Marilyn completely except mad Ma has done this before :roll: :roll: . She seems to think the 111 number is a doctor sitting at the end of the phone in the middle of the night just waiting for old folk to phone about their medication :roll: :roll: . "Oh doctor! I've dropped my last paracetamol down the back of the settee and I can't reach it! Could you send an ambulance with another tablet please?" or "oh doctor! I've mislaid my glasses and I can't read the instruction label on my tablets..... etc". No wonder the NHS is in the state it is! :lol: :lol:

Meanwhile Jane has had the week from hell! :shock: Jane has had to sunbathe every single day this week and when she needed a break from sunbathing just had to do a little retail therapy to give her a break from the dread of endless sunbathing :lol: :lol: . Indeed on one trip back from a shop Jane said to Alan (whose blog this is): "Oh no! It's only 1 o'clock! I have another 5 hours of sunbathing to suffer!" :shock: .

Jane has read so many books she can't remember the names of most of them and most of the plots got confused in Jane's head :lol: :lol: . Particularly if the same name cropped up in two different books! Jane would be: Nina? How come she's a solicitor now? She was an undertaker in the last chapter! Nonetheless, despite all these challenges, Jane soldiered on and is now the colour of a chipolata sausage :D . Jane does have some white bits including her bottom :shock: . This is for two reasons: 1) Jane needs to have some white parts of her body in order to compare it to see just how tanned she is; 2) Jane doesn't relish the problems that may be caused by getting her bottom out in public :shock: :shock: .

Jane did have problems with this very thing many years ago but that story is for a different forum :shock: :shock: :lol: :lol: . Jane advises her reader to visit the "White bottoms across the globe" forum if they are bored one day. Of course if anybody recognises Jane's white bottom on there Jane would ask two things: 1) please do not mention this to anybody, what appears on the forum, stays on the forum; and 2) how do you recognise Jane's bottom and don't you think you have some explaining to do? :shock: :lol: :lol:

Sometimes Jane amazes herself at the amount of drivel she can type :roll: :roll: . Jane offers her reader £100 to be in Jane's head for a week to give her a break.

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Sun Jul 25, 2021 9:07 am

Marilyn thinks Jane must get back to work to give her brain a rest!
Marilyn

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Jul 31, 2021 2:47 pm

So this week Jane is back being a captain of industry :roll: :roll:. Jane returned to 268 emails, many of which were utter drivel and Jane deleted :roll: :roll: . Jane has never, in all her years in administration, worked out whether you start with the latest email or the earliest one. One of Jane's GPs says he always starts with the latest ones in the hope that somebody else has done the work for you whilst you have been away :lol: :lol: . Meanwhile whilst Jane was battling through the emails, more were pouring in :shock: :shock: .

And Jane is delighted that the letter she sent to the Met office booking two weeks of excellent weather worked so well :D . This week whilst Jane has been back at work the weather has been pretty pants to be honest, but Jane didn't care because she was at work.

Today Jane took Alan (whose blog this is) for some retail therapy because Alan had decided he needed some new trainers and jogging pants. Why Alan couldn't have realised this last week when Jane was off is mystery to Jane, but hey ho! Alan was appalled by the very reasonable prices in JD Sports which shows how often he goes shopping :lol: :lol: . He insisted on buying some very expensive trainers because the sales assistant told him they were expensive because they were so comfortable. When they got home Jane asked if they were comfortable. Alan replied "I don't know, I can't feel my feet." This is due to diabetic neuropathy. Jane didn't ask the obvious question of: "Why did you pay so much for comfortable trainers if you can't feel your feet?" :roll: :roll:

Meanwhile Jane had mentioned to Alan whilst she was on annual leave that they needed a new front room window because the seal has perished on the top right hand small opener. Jane and Alan had a text conversation this week at work:

Alan: "I've booked someone to come round to price up the windows."

Jane: "What windows?"

Alan: "The house windows"

Jane: "We don't need the house windows replacing"

Alan: "You said we needed new windows"

Jane: "Jesus, I said we needed the front room window replacing because of a perished seal on the small opener and that it could wait because it wasn't urgent and there were other things more important"

Alan: "There's no need to shout! I'll cancel him."

Jane: "Good idea"

Jane realises that Alan had thought. In Jane's experience Alan is better not thinking because no good ever came of it :lol: :lol: .

paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Mon Aug 02, 2021 6:55 pm

I thought Jane was joking but there is a website .White bottoms across the globe . Jane should leave Alan alone to buy more Kimono's rather than replacing windows .

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Aug 07, 2021 11:14 am

paul...m wrote:
Mon Aug 02, 2021 6:55 pm
I thought Jane was joking but there is a website .White bottoms across the globe .
:shock: :shock: :shock: Jane hopes she's not on it :shock: :shock: :shock:

Well Jane has had her soffits done this week :shock: :shock: . Jane has no idea what soffits are but apparently she needed hers replacing and some new drain-pipeage. The nice man who came to sort out her soffits apologised that he had had to delay the job arranged for the previous week because he had fallen off a roof :shock: :shock: . Jane then spent the time worrying that she was going to see the man come hurtling past her window at 50 miles per hour :shock: . Jane did a first aid course many years ago but has forgotten most of it and didn't fancy trying to remember it at short notice if he fell off again :shock: . It was a worrying time for Jane. However he managed to stay on the ladder without any incident other than giving Jane some shiny new soffits and sparkly drainpipes :D .

This then reminded Jane of the very sad story from a few years ago about a lady who suffered from dwarfism and whose hobby was parachute jumping. Very sadly during one jump her parachute failed and she fell to her death, landing on top of a car parked outside a house.

Jane knows she has a dubious sense of humour but all she could think of was how the man whose car it was explained this to his insurance company:

"Well I was outside mowing my lawn and this dwarf fell from the sky and landed on my car."

Jane knows this is really not funny :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :oops: :oops: :oops: .

Meanwhile in a slow week in terms of interesting events in Jane's life Jane has done very little other than work, eat, sleep, repeat. Alan (whose blog this is) has not done anything even mildly interesting and Jane's mad Ma has only got confused once. Jane is struggling for material for Alan's blog.

Although mad Ma did ring to say she had ordered her prescriptions from the company Jane had advised her to: Pharmacy2U. Jane said no she had advised mad Ma to order from Riverside Pharmacy (it's an easy mistake to make :roll: :roll: ). Mad Ma was cross because the prescriptions had not turned up and she rang Pharmacy2U to complain. They had no record of her being registered with them. Mad Ma then got very cross with them and told them they were useless.

Anyway the prescriptions did turn up delivered by Rowland's Pharmacy with whom mad Ma had registered. Jane thinks she may need to lie down in a dark room. Mad Ma leaves a trail of destruction in her wake and drags Jane into the turbulence :roll: :lol: :lol: .

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Sun Aug 08, 2021 8:50 am

Oh dear, your mad ma :shock: :lol: It must be difficult for you though Jane. Sigh...I guess it might be us being confused one day.
Marilyn

paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Fri Aug 13, 2021 9:26 pm

Think I am heading that way fast

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Sat Aug 14, 2021 10:21 am

Me too Paul. Trying to keep my brain active by doing puzzles, times tables etc. Not sure if it helps but....... My memory is definitely not what it was, but so far I can still remember recent things and maybe not as clear about things when I was young. When it becomes the other way round that is the time to be concerned. Though maybe I won't know I am at that point by then :lol:
Marilyn

paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Sat Aug 14, 2021 2:42 pm

I get to evening then have to think hard what I had for dinner , on bright side can remember if anyone owes me money . Usually do two 12 sudukos on a Sunday and a small Kurosu daily

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