Alan's blog........

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sun May 23, 2021 11:58 am

Jane is not sure about the snuggling up bit - Jane doesn't want to get pregnant and seems to remember that in order to get pregnant there is some snuggling things that need to be done to achieve it :shock: :shock: .

Jane likes Marilyn's plan to shut John up. It's always best to have a plan when husbands get annoying, which in Jane's experience is a regular occurrence. Jane won't let John know about JJ being on so regularly in respect to the sisterhood :D :D. Of course John will never find this out himself because he will inevitably do a man-look and find nothing :roll: . Alan (whose blog this is) is always amazed when Jane finds something that he is looking for. He thinks Jane is a witch :shock: :shock: .

All Jane does is open her eyes and amazingly the lost item appears as if by magic. Jane thinks Alan does it on purpose just to annoy Jane, but Marilyn has given Jane a great idea: Jane will put JJ on the TV if Alan annoys her which will mean Jane gets her own back. Alan doesn't like JJ.

Jane may (or may not) have mentioned her fancy kitchen bin where the lid lifts up automatically. Jane is so happy with the bin but has discovered a flaw in the plan. Having got used to the bin Jane now stands beside all bins and expects the lid to lift up. This has wasted many hours at work when Jane stands patiently waiting for the lid to open when she wishes to defenestrate something :lol: :lol: . Jane's colleagues think she is strange.

To be fair, they probably thought she was strange before she took to standing by the bin for 15 minutes to no avail :shock: :shock: .

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Mon May 24, 2021 9:35 am

Janey Dal wrote:
Sun May 23, 2021 11:58 am

Jane likes Marilyn's plan to shut John up. It's always best to have a plan when husbands get annoying, which in Jane's experience is a regular occurrence. Jane won't let John know about JJ being on so regularly in respect to the sisterhood :D :D. Of course John will never find this out himself because he will inevitably do a man-look and find nothing :roll: . Alan (whose blog this is) is always amazed when Jane finds something that he is looking for. He thinks Jane is a witch :shock: :shock: .

All Jane does is open her eyes and amazingly the lost item appears as if by magic. Jane thinks Alan does it on purpose just to annoy Jane, but Marilyn has given Jane a great idea: Jane will put JJ on the TV if Alan annoys her which will mean Jane gets her own back. Alan doesn't like JJ.

Marilyn and John are exactly the same as Jane and Alan(whose blog this is) in that Marilyn magically finds things almost immediately that John has been looking for for ages, be it an item he is searching for online, or something he has misplaced, or whatever. Marilyn feels a super woman for that short time and basks in the glory the praise bestows. Well for a short time anyway. However in the JJ stakes, obviously Marilyn and John are the other way round in that it is John who enjoys the said show. Marilyn is happy however to watch YouTube videos whilst John enjoys watching JJ berate yet another poor unsuspecting person who was thinking they had a solid case.
Marilyn

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Jun 05, 2021 1:40 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Jane is basking in her own happiness this week having had a night out (well in really) in her bezzie mate's garden last night, along with her other bezzie mate. The threesome have known each other for 30 years and have had many ups and downs along the way.

Partially due to being busy with families and work they haven't met up in several years but have managed to keep in touch via social media and text messages. The ending of parts of the lockdown concentrated their minds and they met up last night and had a ball :D :D . Discussing children, grandchildren and husbands and mothers and life, the universe and everything. :D :D There was nothing off the agenda. Menopause, sagging breasts, hairy chins and wrinkles were all discussed and embraced with great joy :lol: :lol: .

Jane sadly has a sore head this morning and does not expect any sympathy from the forum, or indeed anyone else :oops: :oops: .

The gruesome threesome have started a Whatsapp group called the 'Old Birds' and will continue to meet every 6 weeks from now until they die. Which given their ages may not be as far away as they would like :shock: .

Jane just knew some good things would come out of this pandemic and this is one of them.

Alan (whose blog this is) however continues to obsess about his blood sugar levels just to irritate Jane :lol: :lol: .

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Sun Jun 06, 2021 9:31 am

Marilyn thinks it is funny how topics of conversations change over the years :lol:
Marilyn

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Jun 12, 2021 12:04 pm

Jane is in a much better state today than last week and has decided she got over excited at seeing her pals and will be more circumspect next time.

Jane has been pondering on the lockdown this week and has decided she's had enough of it and wants to come out. Not 'come out' as in declare she is gay, Jane's reader must understand :shock: . Firstly Alan (whose blog this is) would be most surprised. Secondly, Jane's family would be most surprised and thirdly because Jane is not gay.

Jane feels happy quite a lot of the time, but that is no longer the same thing :lol: :lol: .

The lockdown is SO last year and Jane wants to run amok and kiss people. Not everybody obviously :shock: . There are some people Jane would care to avoid kissing no matter how euphoric she was feeling. Jane has a great deal of admiration for the newly-wed Carrie Johnson for example, because if Jane were her, she would see that great unprepossessing lump climb into bed and Jane would get out the other side with great speed :lol: :lol: .

Carrie Johnson has a stronger stomach than Jane for sure :roll: :roll: . So Boris is on the list of people Jane would never kiss no matter how much he begged her :shock: . Harry the Jack Russell Terror is sadly another one. Harry is insistent on doing tongues when he wants to kiss you and he doesn't brush his teeth as often as he should so he is to be avoided as well :roll: :roll: . Jane would also avoid kissing anybody ugly and anybody who didn't look clean. Jane would also avoid kissing babies partially because she is not a politician and partially because they dribble a lot and if it's not your baby it's a bit revolting to be honest :lol: :lol:.

Jane may even consider not kissing Alan because he may think there is more on offer and there really isn't :lol: :lol: .

And the burning local news this week is that Harrison Ford has visited the area :D :D . He does a great deal of cycling apparently and Jane is proud to announce that he left his bike outside a pub when he went in for lunch and when he came out it had been twocked :oops: :oops: .

Welcome to Oop North Harrison :oops: :oops: .

paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Sun Jun 13, 2021 9:16 pm

Did Jane run amuck and twok Harrisons bike , Watch judge Judy for outcome but if Jane is comming out then maybe the other Judge who is happily Gay .
Not a good idea kissing dogs or cats as both like licking there bums and other bits .

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Jun 19, 2021 11:36 am

eeew! :shock: :shock:

Jane didn't pinch Harrison's bike but she might have been tempted to pinch his bum if he got near enough :shock: :oops: :oops: .

Added to the ever increasing list of people Jane would not kiss is the England football team. What a pack of spanners! :lol: :lol: Jane and Alan (whose blog this is) got bored half way through the match and switched to something more interesting which was pretty much anything else on the TV last night to be honest :roll: :roll: .

And they get paid how much per match for that? :roll: :roll: Jane would get them moving if she were their manager. For a start she'd threaten to get in the bath with them afterwards if they didn't win! :evil: :evil: Watch THAT make a difference! :lol: :lol: She'd then threaten to get in the bath with the opposing team if they did win. They'd just give up :lol: :lol: .

That Gareth Southgate has no imagination! He only needs to approach Jane and ask and for a small (no actually a large) fee she would do the honours. And the beauty would be that Jane wouldn't need to take her clothes off to earn the money. Or she may just lift up her top before the match to show them exactly what their punishment would look like, sort of a little teaser campaign :lol: :lol: .

Of course there may be one pervert on the team who likes old ladies but Jane doesn't think one player not doing the right thing would make much difference. After all there were 11 of the beggars last night!

Still the match will have boosted the coffers of the pubs last night and no doubt set off a new variant of the virus. Hopefully though this one will only attack England football supporters so Jane will be safe.

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sun Jun 20, 2021 3:20 pm

So today Jane has returned from another round trip to Preston in Lancashire to sort out number one Digger son's new van :roll: :roll: Three weeks ago Jane (in a weak moment) agreed to drive her number one Digger son to Preston to pick up a van for his burgeoning business in landscape gardening.

This is a 4 hour round trip for Jane and when she got back she was bad tempered and very tired (the bad tempered bit is very unusual for Jane although if Jane's reader asks Alan (whose blog this is) he may have a different story. Jane advises her reader not to listen to Alan :D ). Then the next day the van broke down :roll: :roll: .

Number one Digger son got it back to the garage in Preston via the RAC and then today Jane and number one DIgger son had to do the whole trip again to collect the repaired van.

Hooray! Thought Jane at the thought of yet another 4 hour trip :roll: :roll: . Jane lost her bank holiday Monday for the first trip and this weekend has lost the best part of her precious Sunday. :roll: :roll:

Jane's number one Digger son says he owes her one. ONE? Just ONE? Number one Digger son has a surprise coming! He owes her several :twisted: :twisted: and Jane will be collecting :lol: :lol: .

Jane does wonder why number one Digger son decided to buy a bloody second hand van so far away? But who knows what goes through the minds of offspring at times?

However Jane now has Brownie points with number one Digger son that will last for a looooong time. :D :D

To be honest, the trip was fun and Jane got to spend some time with number one Digger son and that was lovely. On the way back however Jane realised she needed the loo. This was all fine, Jane has a cast iron bladder that can cope with lots of pressure :shock: . About 5 miles from home though, Jane was getting a bit twitchy and then realised she needed to sneeze :shock: :shock: .

Jane did manage to retain her dignity but it was quite dangerous crossing her legs whilst doing 80 miles per hour :shock: :shock: .

The good news is that nobody died nor wet themselves :D .

Result!

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Mon Jun 21, 2021 9:01 am

Jane is a wonderful mum. (And wife of course, and daughter, and grannie. and mum in law :) )
Marilyn

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Jun 26, 2021 1:30 pm

Jane thanks Marilyn for her vote of confidence in Jane :D :D .

So the good news this week is that Jane did not have to go to Preston :D :D . She did ask Number one Digger son if he wanted another trip just because it had become a sort of habit. Number one Digger son's reply was not suitable for this forum :shock: :shock: .

Aforementioned van appears to be behaving itself thank goodness :D :D .

Jane is discombobulated this week due to it raining on her day off. This is just RUDE! :evil: Jane beavered away at work last week in hot weather and feels she has a basic human right to a sunny Saturday. However next Saturday and Sunday are supposed to be nice according to Jane's BBC weather app. They had better be or Jane is suing the BBC for false advertising :shock: :shock: .

And today Jane has actually written to her MP :D :D . Jane has written to say that Matt Hancock has to go :D :D . Not because he has lied to the public about PPE, not because he has given government contracts to his friends and not even because he was caught with his trousers down. No none of these reasons!

It's because he is such a wet wimp :roll: :lol: :lol: . Jane cannot believe that he has even fathered any children, he simply doesn't look capable :shock: :shock: . And what on earth that woman is doing fancying him? :roll: :roll: Jane bets his wife is a little bit cross with him as well :lol: :lol: .

No wonder he 'worked' such long hours during the pandemic :shock: :shock: . He must have spent half of them in bed. No wonder things were going wrong with the pandemic. But it's okay, apparently he's sorry, so that's alright then :roll: :twisted: :twisted: .

Jane predicts he's not as sorry as he's going to be in a few days time when he's lost his job, his girlfriend has been sacked and gone back to her husband and his wife has removed his comestibles with a blunt knife :lol: :lol: .

It couldn't happen to a more deserving person :D :D .

paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Sun Jun 27, 2021 5:39 am

Update He has gone Jane so your letter must have worked .He always looked a bit strange to me so keep an eye out for him lurking at school gates .

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Jul 10, 2021 11:12 am

Ah the power of democracy :D :D ! One letter from Jane and the Health Secretary falls on his sword :D . Jane is basking in her own power and is wondering who she should target next? :twisted: :twisted: There are so many to choose from :roll: :roll: .

Jane is considering setting up a money-making scheme. If Jane's reader gives Jane a name of someone in the government they want rid of Jane will write a letter and off they will go! Jane will only charge a fiver per letter because there are so many eejits to choose from Jane can still make a nice little profit :D :D .

Meanwhile Jane apologises for being MIA last week. Jane and Alan (whose blog this is) were on Grannie and Granda duties on Saturday afternoon :D :D . Well to be completely honest, Jane ran round like a maniacal Grannie whilst Alan watched from the comfort of the sofa :roll: :roll: . Georgie was just fab (if a little swift aided by his kneepads to stop his knees getting sore, he's like an off-road vehicle :lol: :lol: ) :roll: :roll: . Jane thinks babies in the olden days must have had tougher knees :roll: . Jane can't remember needing, using or even being able to source baby kneepads :roll: :roll: .

However Jane will NOT be that Grannie who criticises :roll: :roll: . Jane wonders how babies made it through in her day without all these fancy aids and thermometers for everything :roll: :roll: . George even has a special light-up bottle warmer (Jane did buy this for him but still :oops: :oops: ). What was wrong with a Pyrex jug full of hot water to warm the bottle up? :lol: :lol:

And George always has socks on! :shock: Well until Grannie and Granda babysat and then they accidentally fell off :oops: :oops: . Let his little feet out into the world for goodness' sake :roll: :roll: . Let his little tosies get some fresh air to wiggle in :lol: :lol: .

Jane will vent on here to prevent her saying anything :lol: :lol: .

Meanwhile Jane has a much-needed 2 weeks' holiday. Jane is not going anywhere and her mission is to annoy Alan for the whole 2 weeks. The beauty of this plan is that it will give Jane great pleasure and will take absolutely no effort at all :lol: :lol: .

It is also Alan's birthday this week and Jane's very intelligent daughter has sent him a card (present to follow. We've all heard THAT one before). The card says "Have a lovely, grumpy day". Alan was amused but asked Jane "Why does everyone think I'm grumpy?"

:roll: :roll: :roll:

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Sun Jul 11, 2021 9:20 am

Marilyn hopes Jane has a fun but restful holiday. Maybe some shopping in and amongst annoying Alan(whose blog this is). Shopping is good!
Marilyn

paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Sun Jul 11, 2021 6:32 pm

How about a change and Alan whose blog this is annoys Jane

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Mon Jul 12, 2021 2:00 pm

Alan (whose blog this is) annoys Jane already but only when he's breathing :lol: :lol: :lol: .

And Jane has already taken Marilyn's advice and done some shopping :D :D . That didn't take long did it? :lol: :lol:

And on the way home from the shops Jane popped to see Georgie who has decided for his new trick that kissing his Grannie is fun :D :D . This is of course a bit of a wet, sloppy affair with huge amounts of saliva involved but really rather fun :lol: :lol: . Calling it kissing may also be a bit of an exaggeration as well. It is more George clamping his open mouth over his Grannie's face but Jane has decided that it is a kiss regardless of the strange technique :roll: :roll: :lol: :lol: .

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