Alan's blog........

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paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Fri Apr 16, 2021 6:41 pm

Panackelty sounds dodgey no wonder Alan is on his death bed

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Apr 24, 2021 4:46 pm

If Paul has never had Panackelty then he is missing a treat. It is delish :D :D . It is basically a corned beef stew but very tasty and easy to make (well obviously seeing as Jane managed it :roll: :roll: ).

So today Jane has been to see some moo-cows and grunty piggies and wonky-donkeys and quacky ducks :shock: :shock:. Yes Jane has been with George and his mummy and daddy to a local farm that is open for visits. Jane told George that the sheep were pussy cats. George didn't seem to care one way or the other to be honest.

Jane thinks mummy and daddy were more impressed than George. George seemed to be singularly unimpressed with the animals but seemed to like a very furry cow Granny bought for him who has been named Morag :D :D .

Obviously Morag is not a real cow although Granny would buy him one of those if he wanted one :D :D . Jane doesn't think her daughter in law would be quite so happy with Granny if she were expected to accommodate a cow however. There's no pleasing some people :roll: .

And yesterday? - oh yesterday! :D :D . Jane had her hair cut :D :D :D :D . Jane was SO excited and now looks like she belongs to someone rather than looking like an escaped inmate from a home for the mentally bereft :roll: :roll: . Jane also had her nails done :D :D . Jane barely recognises herself she looks so damned gorgeous (well in comparison to before rather than in general :roll: :roll: ).

Jane thinks this hair cut malarkey might just catch on and other people will start to do it. Jane worries though that the amount of hair the hairdressers will be lopping off their clients following lockdown may cause problems for landfill sites. There must be TONS of it :shock: :shock: . Certainly the amount they cut off Jane's hair looked like it could make a small dog. Jane doesn't care too much however. So long as it is no longer on Jane's head she doesn't care where it ends up, which may be very selfish but that's just how it is. :lol: :lol:

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Sun Apr 25, 2021 9:17 am

Marilyn is off on Tuesday to the hairdressers, yay!
Marilyn

paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Mon Apr 26, 2021 7:30 pm

Had mine about two weeks ago so many outside barbers I couldn't be bothered to waitbut when I did hairdressers bungalow it was usual coffee cake money and sit in garden while I give you a trim , and very good cakes too even better than Mr Kippling .

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Tue Apr 27, 2021 8:46 am

:lol: Lucky you Paul. Cut and cake sounds the way to go.
Marilyn

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat May 01, 2021 11:26 am

Jane loves Paul's story :D . Fancy thinking 18 months ago that that would be 'normal'! How far we have come :D .

So at the moment Jane is involved in a one-sided war of attrition with Alan (whose blog this is). Jane says one-sided because she suspects Alan is unaware of the drama unfolding right under his nose.

When Jane and Alan's relationship was young and vibrant :shock: Alan did all the washing and Jane put it away in drawers and wardrobes. It was so romantic :D . However, Jane has become increasingly fed up putting Alan's washing away because he has drawers full of old clothes he never wears and Jane has to use a crowbar to fit the clean clothes in his drawers on top of the clothes he never wears :roll: :roll: . Jane has repeatedly asked him to defenestrate or, to be more woke, recycle his old clothes. The requests have fallen on deaf ears :roll: :roll: . Jane's reader may also remember that Alan is not allowed to do Jane's washing due to his complete inability to differentiate between whites and coloureds despite many hours of training by Jane :roll: :roll:.

So it had gradually ended up where Jane did her own washing and put it away and Alan did his washing and Jane put it away. Jane apparently had taken on the mantle of the official putter-awayer.

Anyway, 2 weeks ago Alan had done his washing and had folded it up and left it on the kitchen table ready for Jane to take it upstairs and put it away.

On Tuesday morning Jane asked that he move the clothes as it was the day of the cleaner's monthly visit and Jane likes to tidy up so the cleaner can get to all surfaces. Alan agreed to this.

Imagine then Jane's irritation to come home from work and discover the clothes still in situ in the kitchen :evil: .

Jane asked Alan (in her sweetest voice - which should always be a source of alarm to him :lol: :lol: ) "Did you not move the clothes before the cleaners came, my sweetness?" This may be slightly exaggerated for purposes of making Jane look better :shock: .

"Oh yes!" said Alan and added "I took them into the front room whilst the cleaners did the cleaning and then put them back in the kitchen." :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

Jane, possibly for the first time in her 60 years on the planet could not think of a single thing to say :lol: :lol: .

So instead of speaking Jane made a momentous decision: she was going to put the pile of Alan's clothes on the stairs 'to take up' and leave them for him to take up and put away.

That is now 12 days ago and the clothes are still on the stairs :shock: :shock: . Jane WILL NOT move them and is waiting to see at what point Alan thinks "Oh I'm walking past those clothes of mine on the stairs, I'll take them up and put them away."

Jane is not holding out much hope, but it has become a source a much amusement at Jane's work where the staff regularly ask Jane: "Has he moved his clothes yet?".

Jane thinks there will be 2 potential outcomes of this: 1) the clothes pile will gradually diminish naturally as Alan starts to dress himself directly from the pile on the stairs; or 2) the cleaners will dust the pile of clothes on the stairs in 2 weeks time when they return.

The only outcome that is absolutely guaranteed is Jane will not be moving the clothes :lol: :lol: :lol: .

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Sun May 02, 2021 9:01 am

Marilyn wonders if Alan(whose blog this is) is playing Jane at her game. Marilyn is sure Alan knows exactly what he is doing :lol:
Marilyn

paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Sun May 02, 2021 8:40 pm

But what else do you do Jane, Alan does cooking when he can you have a cleaner oh sorry you have to watch Judge Judy

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Mon May 03, 2021 12:08 pm

Jane knew Paul wouldn't understand being of the same gender and therefore mindset as Alan (whose blog this is) :roll: :roll: . Jane doesn't have to do anything obvs! Jane is purely for decorative purposes and to make Alan's life miserable.

Admittedly over the years the decorative aspect has dwindled somewhat but Jane is absolutely cracking at the second part of her role :D :D .

Of course Jane also brings home the proverbial bacon. Although to be absolutely fair, Alan does the shopping so if Jane were being literal, he brings home the bacon. And not every week either. And who wants proverbial bacon? And where do they get proverbial pigs?

And Jane would take a dim view of her employers if they actually paid her in bacon. It would necessitate Jane taking large quantities of bacon out with her when she went clothes shopping and then have to negotiate with the shop assistant about how much bacon equalled a pair of shoes or a t-shirt.

So that's a stupid expression if ever Jane heard of one :roll: :roll: .

And next week Jane needs to warn her reader that she may not get chance to help Alan with his blog. Jane is off to sunny York to meet number one VERY intelligent daughter, lovely son-in-law and baby bump outside at a pub :D :D . York is equidistant between Manchester (where number one daughter lives) and Stockton. Jane hasn't seen her for over a year due to various lockdowns and the like. Jane hopes she recognises her daughter after so long :roll: .

That would be embarrassing :oops: :oops: . Especially as Jane is taking their Christmas presents for them. Imagine handing over Christmas presents to the wrong person and then having to take them all back when she realised?

"SO sorry madam! Wrong person! Well to be honest you are too fat to wear that top anyway! And you wouldn't use the soup maker! By the looks of you, you only eat MacDonalds!" :oops: :oops:

Jane will have to ask the person she thinks is her daughter questions that only her daughter would know before she hands over any pressies.

Of course Jane will have to make sure she knows the answers to the questions or that could get even more complicated :roll: .

Jane: "How old were you when you had your first kiss?"

Daughter: "15"

Jane: "Well how do I know if that's true?"

It's a minefield :shock: :shock: .

paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Thu May 06, 2021 8:11 am

Best not ask questions or she might ask you a few :lol: :lol:

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat May 15, 2021 11:57 am

Jane is delighted to report that she has returned from York. The expression 'sunny York' was a total misnomer sadly and the Dalgleishes and the Browns would have been better served taking a boat with them :shock: :shock: . Jane has never seen as much rain outside of a monsoon season and on top of the rain, the temperature would have made the South Pole proud :roll: :roll: .

With true British grit the foursome sat outside under an umbrella in the back garden of a pub, wrapped in blankets with towels across their backs and a garden heater close by, eating a very scrumptious meal :lol: :lol: . Jane couldn't feel her feet by the end of the meal but it was fantastic! :D :D

Number one VERY intelligent daughter's bump was, well, bumpy :D . Replete from their meal they set off to go into the hippie shop and bought lots of interesting hippyish things :D . Alan (whose blog this is) found a jumper that he absolutely loved and decided to treat himself to. Jane daren't tell him he looks like a tree-hugger in it and that she won't be going anywhere with him whilst he is wearing it for fear of being cashiered into a protest on climate change and finding herself living in a tree somewhere :roll: :roll: :lol: :lol: .

The truth of the matter is that Jane paid for the jumper because on arrival at York Alan realised he'd forgotten his wallet :roll: :roll: . Well we've all heard THAT one before :roll: :roll: . Alan spent the rest of the day having comments thrown his way like "Oh Alan, do you want to pay for this? Oh no! You've forgotten your wallet haven't you?" :lol: :lol: And "It must be your turn to pay, Alan? Oh yes! Sorry we forgot!".

Alan won't forget his wallet again in a hurry :lol: :lol: . Alan is apparently going to pay Jane back for his hippie jumper.

Jane has heard THAT one before as well :roll: :roll: .

And today the Dalgleishes have been to the garden centre and bought some plants for the back garden. This is always Jane's favourite bit of the year.

Alan goes into the garden and potters for hours.

Jane gets to watch back to back JJ with nobody moaning :D :D .

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Sun May 16, 2021 10:17 am

Marilyn, though living but a stone's throw from York all her life, has never heard the term 'sunny York' before. Indeed, using the term 'sunny' before any Yorkshire, or even any oop north town, city, or anywhere is completely ridiculous! :lol: :lol: However, York is beautiful in any weather(oh yes it is :wink: )

It does sound like Jane and Alan(whose blog this is) had a wonderful time away in York. Alan seems to be very clever leaving his wallet behind, good tactic!

John has very recently discovered Judge Judy when channel browsing and seems to find her every evening since :roll: . Marilyn thinks he would also be very happy to spend a whole day glued to the programme, so Jane is not alone.
Marilyn

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat May 22, 2021 12:13 pm

John is evidently a man of good taste :D. Firstly he married Marilyn and secondly he likes JJ. Jane thinks he is a very special person :D :D. Jane has to contest Marilyn's claim that John 'finds' JJ every evening. To Jane's knowledge JJ has never been lost and indeed Jane wants to advise John that if he looks hard enough JJ is on some channel somewhere all day, every day. And if that isn't enough (and how could it be really?) there are back to back omnibuses every Saturday and Sunday :D :D .

Despite Marilyn saying York is beautiful Jane has to disagree on this occasion. Even York didn't look beautiful last Saturday :roll: :roll: . This may well have been Jane's perception because nobody dared look upwards for fear of being water-bombed :shock: :shock:.

So on Friday Jane had to go with Alan (whose blog this is) to the local hospital to see how to attach his new Libre monitor. Alan has had to have one of these special devices fitted because he has been a naughty boy with his insulin and ended up in hospital last week for two days with Diabetic Ketoacidosis (DKA) :roll: :roll: . This is not something Jane approves of and Alan has been told to avoid this again or risk death. Whether that be from DKA or Jane is debatable. :roll: :roll:

The fun part of this however is that Jane gets to attach the monitor to Alan's arm every two weeks. This involves stabbing him with a metal probe :D :D . Hooray!

Alan had somehow managed to mix up his long-acting and short-acting insulin - nobody knows for how long :roll: :roll: . The fact the the short-acting is called Novo-RAPID may have been a clue to someone with their wits about them, but of course Jane is talking about Alan :lol: :lol: .

Luckily Jane got full instructions from the Diabetic nurse because when the Dalgleishes left the hospital Alan had a different story :roll: :roll: . What is it about men that they are incapable of following simple instructions? :roll: :roll:

What did amuse Jane was that throughout the Diabetic department there were wider chairs for fat diabetics. Jane liked sitting in those. They made her look like a size 10 :D :D .

paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Sun May 23, 2021 8:00 am

To save chairs being cleaned Jane and Alan should have snuggled up on one chair and show the world what a loving couple they are .Has Jane thought about retraining as a part nurse then she she could stab people everyday and the looks on patients faces who have given you a hard time when they next have a vaccination or blood test .

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Sun May 23, 2021 10:09 am

Marilyn will NOT tell John about JJ being CONSTANTLY on TV, but she thanks Jane for that information. Actually Marilyn might save the information up till John is annoying Marilyn more than usual and hope JJ shuts him up, quickly :wink:
Marilyn

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