Alan's blog........

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Sun Jul 19, 2020 9:15 am

Marilyn is very impressed with Alan(whose blog this is) and Sassy's husband for giving such wonderful gifts to their wives, and thinks Jane and Sassy are extremely unappreciative of their very loving and thoughtful husbands.( :wink: :lol: :mrgreen: )
Marilyn

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Mon Jul 20, 2020 12:26 pm

Jane thinks she may donate one of her kimonos to Marilyn to see how she likes it :lol: :lol: :lol: .

Jane and mad Ma did try very hard yesterday to persuade Alan (whose blog this is) to let Jane shorten the kimono thereby making it marginally more wearable.

“But it will take away its value!” protested Alan :roll: :roll: . Oh well :roll: ! Jane tried :lol: :lol: .

Jane is delighted with Saxie’s explanation of the sleeves in the kimono. Jane thought they were storing items whilst out shoplifting :oops: :oops: . Although Jane feels sure she would be caught wandering round in a blood purple kimono! She would hardly blend into the background :roll: :roll: .

So Jane has two weeks off work and today is her first day :D :D . This has been marvellous so far. Jane has taken Harry the Jack Russell terror for a walk and then gone and done some retail therapy, buying knitting needles for the 270 patterns Jane has recently purchased and the 9000 balls of wool :lol: :lol: . Baby George is going to be permanently wearing granny-knitted clothing :lol: :lol: . Jane is wondering if she can knit swimming trunks and vests? Think of money that could be saved by knitting nappies :shock: .

Would his friends make fun of him if he goes to school in knitted trousers? Can Jane knit him his first car? Jane certainly has enough wool, but isn’t sure if it would pass an MOT test? Jane thinks her lovely D-I-L may regret asking Jane to knit for the baby :oops: :oops: . And George may well rebel aged 24 if he is still being supplied with cute jumpers with sheep on them by his granny :shock: .

Grandchildren are so ungrateful :shock: :lol: :lol: .

Mind this assumes that Jane will be still be a) alive and b) up to knitting aged 84 :shock: . Actually Jane will probably have just about used up all the wool she’s bought by then :lol: :lol: .

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Tue Jul 21, 2020 1:20 pm

Today chez Dalgleish is like parcel central :shock: :shock: . Jane has been delivered of some more knitting needles :oops: :oops: . Jane had to order these from Amazon as it was an unusual size she couldn’t get in the shops.

Amazon as ever delivered it in a box about 6 feet long and 14 inches deep and yes, inside were two sets of knitting needles :roll: :roll: .

Alan (whose blog this is) was delivered of the third kimono (:roll: :roll:) but Jane was advised that this was not for her, it was an investment :shock: :shock: . And the lovely lady who delivered the wrong one originally (thereby ending up pandering to Alan’s increasing fixation on everything oriental) was so pleased that Alan had not made a fuss about the incorrect kimono, although she had sent the third one for free, that she sent a gift which was extra dangly things to go with the obi :shock: :shock: :shock: :lol: :lol: . Jane has never been a conspiracy theorist but is starting to wonder ....... :shock: .

Equally Alan insisted that the kimonos are an investment, however the seller appears to be so intent on defenestrating them as soon as possible that Jane doubts they are worth the price of a large pork pie :roll: :lol: .

Alan was also delivered of the most humongously enormous Japanese fan that Jane has every seen :shock: :shock: :shock: . There is literally nowhere chez Dalgleish that it will fit.

Alan admitted he didn't realise it was that big, thereby underlining the reason that men should not be allowed to indulge in retail therapy! They are just no good at it!

Jane’s reader is aware that Jane is not particularly happy with the Chinese at the moment. This is starting to replicate itself with the Japanese :oops: :oops: .

paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Wed Jul 22, 2020 5:55 am

Is Alan getting a thing about the Japanese could have been worse he could have gotten you a Sumo wrestling outfit or is that in the post .

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Wed Jul 22, 2020 9:57 am

^^ :lol: :lol: :lol: ^^. Photos would then be needed :shock:
Marilyn

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Wed Jul 22, 2020 1:50 pm

This has made Jane think - which is actually very rude given she is on annual leave from work and isn’t being paid to think.

Jane may buy Alan (whose blog this is) a sumo wrestling suit and insist he wear it :lol: :lol: . That’ll learn him! :lol: :lol:

Jane’s reader may not believe this (indeed Jane is having difficulty) but a 4th kimono was delivered today :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: . Along with a second obi. Jane is now thinking WTAF :shock: :shock: :shock: . Jane apologises for swearing on the forum but there are times..........

Alan insists this is the last one - well thank the Lord for THAT :roll: :roll: .

“What are we going to do with them?” Asked Jane who has given up on being polite and pretending that the kimonos are actually useful in any way or contributing to Jane’s life in a positive way.

“They are an investment!” Advised Alan. :shock: :shock: :shock:

Jane is in a state of despair and to make matters worse (as if they could be?) these kimonos are not necessarily new. Thereby creating an unpleasant smell in the spare bedroom (where they are being stored as this is the only place chez Dalgleish they will go being too long to fit in any wardrobe) not unlike the smell in a charity shop :roll: :roll: .

Jane is now going to have to purchase some Fabreeze and not tell Alan she is spraying his kimonos for fear it will devalue his bloody investment :shock: :shock: .

The only thing Jane has to keep her sanity at the moment is the knowledge that the little windfall Alan received that has allowed this profligacy is surely going to run out anytime soon. Hosannah!

Sadly in another 12 months Alan will receive another little windfall From his Army pension. Jane may well have left home by then.

Not because she is leaving Alan, but because there won’t be room for her :shock: :shock: :lol: :lol: .

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Thu Jul 23, 2020 9:25 am

Marilyn has never heard of Kimonos being an investment before. Maybe Alan has got into something very early on, much earlier than anyone else, and there is going to be a worldwide demand for smelly old, erm sorry, beautiful antique kimonos, and he is going to make a lot of money. Then he will be laughing and telling Jane 'I told you so'. Are we all going to be buying them? Are they the new rage? How come Alan found out before the rest of the world? Maybe Alan is on to something here :wink: Marilyn thinks he should maybe buy some more.
Marilyn

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Thu Jul 23, 2020 1:09 pm

No! Just NO! Jane has enough kimonos to last her a lifetime. Although if Marilyn sees Jane on the Antiques Roadshow or Flog it making a lot of money Jane gives Marilyn permission to say she knows Jane :D :D .

Of course as a very generous gesture on Jane’s part, she could sell Marilyn a kimono so she can get ahead of the game :D :D . How about 4? :roll: :roll: :roll:

Today, day 3 of Jane’s annual leave is a big disappointment. It is precipitating precipitously :twisted: :twisted: . The only good thing about it that Jane doesn’t have to do the garden, but it will still need doing when the weather improves so it is a minor triumph.

Jane is at a loose end. Not personally but with her knitting :lol: :lol: . Jane is glad she has so much knitting to keep her entertained and busy or else she would be forced to torture Alan (whose blog this is) for amusement. Jane may do that anyway in between rows and when the knitting gets boring. The great thing is that Jane can knit and watch Judge Judy all day. This makes Alan pull a face like a smacked bottom because he hates judge Judy :shock: :shock: . Alan however cannot argue with Jane who says to him calmly:

“But I’m on annual leave! You can watch what you want when I’m at work so at the moment it’s only fair I get first dibs.” :lol: :lol:

Jane and Alan are meanwhile indulging in on-line Scrabble which is great fun. Especially as Jane is beating Alan by miles on several games. Of course Alan is beating Jane on some games but these are ones that, in Jane’s opinion, don’t count :D :D . Only the ones where Jane is winning are important.

Jane didn’t get where she is today by being fair :lol: :lol: :lol: .

paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Fri Jul 24, 2020 6:07 am

Is Jane playing scrabble wearing a Kimono ,why play online scrabble when you can play the real thing the old fashioned way .Wonder what Alan has ordered for next week ,this week worn Kimono's next week worn what ever the Japanese wear under there Kimonos . Maybe they were not for jane maybe Alan likes doing gardening in them .
Many years ago when ex wife was getting rid of some clothes a man turned up to buy them wife said do you know her size . " Yes same as me " !!!!

paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Fri Jul 24, 2020 6:11 am

Just an after thought today is the great mask day so now Alan can be even more Japanese :wink:

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Jul 25, 2020 11:30 am

Jane is not sure about Paul suggesting Alan (whose blog this is) is a cross dresser :shock: :shock: . Jane is now worried because although she has no problem with other people cross dressing Jane would take a dim view if Alan did it :shock: :shock: . The thought of Alan in a pair of lacey knickers makes Jane feel somewhat nauseous :mrgreen: :mrgreen: .

And indeed yesterday was the big mask up day. Jane has got a plethora of masks in her handbag and one in the car glove compartment in case she goes out without her handbag. For sure Jane is going to forget at some point although it’s a good way of avoiding people you don’t want to talk to and if caught out you can say ‘oh I didn’t recognise you with your mask on!”.

Jane has ordered a mask that makes her look like a pig although Alan suggested rather rudely that Jane doesn’t need the mask to achieve that :shock: :shock: . That man needs to be very careful, Jane has a long memory :twisted: :twisted: .

They are evidently gong to be the new fashion statement although Jane is not impressed with Sam Cam who suggested in today’s paper that you should wear one that goes with your outfit and to prove the point she was wearing a mask the exact same material as her dress. Jane thinks that is really upper class nonsense!

Although the woman obviously has no taste having been married to David Cameron for several years. If David Cameron were Jane’s husband she’d make him wear a full face mask so nobody could see his face at all :lol: :lol: . AND she’d have it made of plastic :twisted: .

However since the advent of the compulsory mask-wearing everybody in Stockton has become better looking :lol: :lol: .

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Aug 01, 2020 1:28 pm

Well apparently Jane was correct about Sam Cam. Her clothes company is losing money! No surprises there then :lol: :lol:. Jane said she had no taste :D .

Jane is so confused at the moment when she goes to the supermarket. She has her ordinary glasses on and wears her sunglasses over the top of them. She also has her mask on. When she gets in the shop she puts the sunglasses on the top of her head, otherwise goodness knows what products she would buy In the dark :shock: . She dons her mask and potters round. Her glasses then get steamed up and she puts them on the top of their head with her sunglasses.

When Jane gets back to the car she is so confused with what is on her head and face that she wants to weep :shock: :shock: . But it has to be said that mask-wearing is certainly causing faster shopping because Jane doesn’t want to hang around getting hotter and steamier than necessary :shock: .

Meanwhile Jane has finished two blankets and a hoodie for her very-soon-to-be arriving grandson :D . He has a knitted cocoon on the way and another hoodie with sheep on it :D :D . Jane is starting to feel sorry for him :lol: :roll: . Do babies laugh at their mates? :shock: :shock:

Alan (whose blog this is) has not been delivered of any more kimonos and whilst Jane has been off Jane has advised Alan on how best to do the housework :lol: :lol: . This is the deal and Alan has been slacking in his duties of late :evil: .

Indeed chez Dalgleish is, without doubt, a fine example of role reversal :D . Last week Jane was stripping the paper off the front porch and sanding everything down with her new power drill whilst Alan was doing housework (as per Jane’s instructions obviously!).

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Mon Aug 03, 2020 9:17 am

Very worthwhile holiday for Jane with being successful in getting Alan(whose blog this is) back to doing his duties instead of buying kimonos!
Marilyn

paul...m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul...m » Mon Aug 03, 2020 4:35 pm

I would rather Alan (whose blog this is ) buy Kimonos as it is interesting reading about Jane getting wound up .
Got as far as reading " Jane was stripping " and came over all funny.

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Tue Aug 04, 2020 9:12 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :shock:
Marilyn

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