Alan's blog........

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Shining_Peace
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Shining_Peace » Sun Jul 16, 2017 5:28 pm

Funny, I spend a week away from home and Charles is grumpy I am gone. I always thought he would be Jane-esque in his enjoyment watching his shows, hogging the covers, and eating to his pleasure.

No!

I get complaints that no one sets out his socks and underwear at night. He can't find anything! God help me if he needs to find paperwork!
~Sassy

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Mon Jul 17, 2017 9:13 am

Well before your next trip away, I would be training Charles and stop laying out his undies and socks every day. Or put labels on drawers, cupboards etc. I am an old fashioned wife in lots of ways, but I am shocked :lol: ! I think you are joking Sassy :wink:

Though, if it is something that helps keep everyone happy, then maybe best not rock that particular boat at the moment.
Marilyn

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Anne Dawson
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Anne Dawson » Mon Jul 17, 2017 10:44 am

I thought it was only Prince Charles who had his socks and underwear laid out at night!

Sorry Sassy but that made me smile. Nice that he misses you though.

:)

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maz
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by maz » Mon Jul 17, 2017 10:52 am

I'm sure my Prince John would love me to lay out his smalls for him :roll: I remember his mum used to peel his dad's oranges for him then portion and serve on a plate, and also stir the sugar in his tea. And no, he didn't have any issues that would stop him from doing those things himself.
Marilyn

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stuart13
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by stuart13 » Mon Jul 17, 2017 1:55 pm

I buy None-Iron clothes because Doreen says "You want it ironed, you iron it".

I still love her to bits.

:wink: :)

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MikeyB
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by MikeyB » Mon Jul 17, 2017 2:36 pm

I do the cooking, Mrs B does the ironing. Unshakeable rule. :D

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paul.m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul.m » Thu Jul 20, 2017 7:12 pm

She that must be obeyed cooks it I eat it , she tidies house I make a mess .
Paul

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Jul 22, 2017 11:39 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: @ Paul.

Jane's readers' domestic foibles are of great interest to Jane. Jane is now wondering if she should have put her ex-husband's clean socks out at night because he used to get up in the morning, sniff his socks from the day before and then put them on for a second day :shock: :shock: .

Oh yes he did! Hardly a surprise he became an ex-husband is it? :roll: :roll: Although Jane has to admit she had two children with him before he was defenestrated :oops: :oops: . Jane is not quite sure how that came about to be honest.

Perhaps he kept his socks on in bed at that point thereby Jane was unaware of the sock sniffing habit. :roll: :roll:

Meanwhile Jane is preparing madly for the forthcoming nuptials of VERY intelligent daughter. Only 2 weeks to go :D :D. Jane has booked her hair appointment and her beautifying appointment. To achieve the desired results the beautifying appointment will be rather lengthy Jane fears :oops: :oops:.

Jane is having legs and eyebrows waxed, finger nails and toe nails painted and her eyelashes curled :shock: :shock: . Sadly Jane is having nothing much done to her face.

It's simply too late to do anything that would make any appreciable difference and Jane can't afford the amount of plastic surgery required. In the worst case scenario Jane could always put a paper bag over her head or wear a very, very big hat :oops: :oops: .

Still Jane may get away with it as she is trusting that everybody will be looking at the bride rather than Jane.

Meanwhile Harry the Jack Russell Terror has had his first trip the vets! He came in from the garden with his mouth bleeding and in some distress, so Alan (whose blog this is) took him off to the vets.

Under no circumstances was Harry going to let anybody look inside his mouth and indeed clamped his teeth together with determination. So, hurray! They vet had to sedate him :roll: :roll: .

Imagine Alan and Jane's delight when on collecting Harry 2 hours later, they were presented with a minuscule piece of plastic that had got stuck between his teeth and a bill for 70 quid :twisted: :twisted: .

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sun Jul 23, 2017 10:59 am

Jane is girding her loins or grinding her lions or whatever the expression is for her last week at work before she has 2 lovely weeks annual leave :D :D :D .

Jane has not had 2 weeks off from her job since she started 13 months ago so is a very tired teddy :? :? . Jane has beaten her staff into submission, dusted the GPs into a relatively cohesive bunch and generally worked her little socklets off :roll: :roll: for the good of the cause.

The only problem with having two weeks off is that on her first day back Jane will be subjected to death by email :roll: :roll: . Jane has been through this before and it is painful. Worse than being hoist with your own petard and that stings a bit Jane can tell you!

The trick is to deal with the emails that don't require a reply first because once you start replying everybody realises you are back and starts sending you even more emails :roll: :roll: .

Jane is considering putting on her "Out of Office" automated reply "Look! I'm on holiday right! Just leave me alone and go hassle someone else!" Jane is unsure of the professionalism of this however.

Jane has also finally managed to find a fascinator for her hair for VERY intelligent daughter's wedding. Jane didn't want a hat this time so has gone for a feather fascinator. Jane realises that she doesn't NEED a fascinator being sufficiently fascinating just as she is,but one has to make an effort :shock: :shock: .

Jane is a little worried about the size of the feather, however and is glad that Manchester is inland. Jane has visions of her fascinator fascinating a seagull in all the wrong ways :shock: :shock: . Jane really has tried hard to get the right look and a sexually excited seagull landing on her head with intent is not part of this in any way :roll: :roll: .

Jane is very excited about the wedding. Jane has two children and this will be the last marriage she attends of her offspring. Or it better be! :lol: :lol:

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paul.m
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by paul.m » Sun Jul 23, 2017 11:45 am

Next the Grandchildren . Oh the fun .
Paul

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stuart13
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by stuart13 » Sun Jul 23, 2017 12:20 pm

I think we should have photo of Jane when she is dressed up in her finery, with said fascinator.

Preferably before the drinks are served.

:wink: :wink: :)

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MikeyB
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by MikeyB » Sun Jul 23, 2017 6:48 pm

Served to whom? Jane, or the viewer? I can't drink, so I'll take my reading glasses off.

I'll now get my coat.... :shock:

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sat Jul 29, 2017 11:57 am

Indeed Mike - but Jane has to be honest and say that she will definitely look better without Mike's reading glasses. Not that Jane will be wearing Mike's reading glasses (obviously). Mike would be. Or not as the case may be :roll: :roll: .

Jane wishes she hadn't started this conversation :roll: :roll:

Jane is now officially on annual leave :D :D . It's so long since Jane was on annual leave she doesn't know what she is supposed to do. Jane seems to remember being on annual leave before and going down the beach in her bikini and sitting in the sun all day but Jane thinks she might have imagined this.

Jane doesn't possess a bikini anymore (or at least not one that fits her :oops: :oops: ), there isn't a beach within walking distance and it's raining :roll: :roll: . It's all very confusing.

Equally even if Jane did have a bikini that fitted she feels it would be unfair to inflict her body on the local populace. There are parts of Jane's body that should, by law, be kept covered nowadays and whilst Jane doesn't really care much what people think, she would be mortified if people were actually losing their lunch all around her as she disrobed. :oops: :oops:

Jane may have to accept that annual leave in her late 50s means pottering in the garden with her trug and going for brisk walks in her brogues and tweed skirt :shock: :shock: . Jane is not very enthusiastic about this to be honest :roll: :roll: .

Jane could of course sneakily wear her ill-fitting bikini under her tweed skirt.

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MikeyB
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by MikeyB » Sat Jul 29, 2017 12:42 pm

Don't get knocked down by a bus, Jane. The bikini might be a bit difficult to explain away, and the hilarity among folk who are supposed to be looking after you could hamper your treatment, specially if all they do is hand you a razor :roll:

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Janey Dal
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Re: Alan's blog........

Post by Janey Dal » Sun Jul 30, 2017 11:32 am

Jane is a little shocked that Mike appears to think that Jane may be hairy? :shock: :shock: :shock: .

Jane wants to make it clear that she is not hairy. A little tufty perhaps ...... :oops: :oops: .

Jane is not saying she HAS as little tufty :oops: :oops: . Just that she may BE a little tufty..... :oops: :oops: . Jane does get herself in some knots at times. :roll: :roll: .

Anyway after next Tuesday's marathon beautifying session Jane will be practically bald! Legs and eyebrows to be waxed (Jane is not having her bikini line waxed just in case Jane's reader wondered, because she doesn't envisage this will be necessary, unless of course there is a hot-tub at the wedding, but then Jane would politely decline that offer for fear that when Jane got in the water displacement would leave no water for anybody else :oops: :oops: ) and Jane is getting her hair cut.

Jane will manage her own armpits with a razor like the good tough northern lass she is! And indeed Jane's moustache will have the same treatment. As for the hair growing with determination out of Jane's chin - well that little beggar will be plucked with alacrity (or tweezers).

On reading back this post Jane is wondering if the refutation of her hirsuteness is somewhat exaggerated. Maybe Jane is hairier than she thought :oops: :oops: .

It's no good asking Alan (whose blog this is) because he obviously (and for fear of the consequences if he says otherwise) thinks Jane is gorgeous.

Fentanyl is a wonderful thing :lol: :lol: .

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